Part of the reason I’ve had such a difficult time writing is because I don’t even know where to start unpacking all this turmoil and passion and craziness that overflows from me. And I’ve gotten the impression from friends and strangers alike that I come across as rather dooming and glooming. But that’s not what I’m like in the analogue world. I’m generally cheerful and polite and kind. On bad days, I am quiet, because I don’t want to burden others (except a trusted/possibly taken for granted few) with my sorrows and problems. My supervising style at work is very gentle but straightforward (I’ve sucked with handling insubordination issues so far… apparently I need to work on those angry alpha instincts.) I make people laugh with witty one liners and risque innuendo. I make it a point to learn about and take interest in people, like favorite soda or radio station and names of spouses and children and random little preferences mentioned in passing, so I can easily put people at ease and make friends. (Admittedly, there is a limit to this. Some people are perfectly nice but terribly boring, and then it inevitably becomes a bit more perfunctory. Other people are intriguing when you first meet, but eventually they become… distasteful, and you prefer as little contact with them as possible. I’m still civil with these latter sorts, but I certainly don’t go out of my way to be warm with them.)
ANYWAY, the point is, people generally find me gentle and cheerful and uncomplaining and light (albeit a little crazy and unusual and eccentric), not sad and beaten and worn. So giving off this impression in my writing really harshes my mellow. (Yes, there’s a bit of Colorado-grown stoner lingo for you. But it’s the best way to describe the situation!) So I was thinking that perhaps if I actually started writing about my experiences as a crazy, poor, lady feminista instead of just relaying my impressions of being a crazy, poor, lady feminista that perhaps I could find a more accurate image of myself. And that’s where you come in.
I have so many thoughts that race through my head at lightning speed everyday, from the moment I wake up to the hour it takes me to fall asleep at night. And it’s difficult to focus on just a single subject, especially when they’re all so intertwined and codependent. So what I’m asking for is an assignment, from you, my dear readers. I’ve thought of a few subjects I want to write about and I want to know where you want me to start.
Soooooo… here’s some ideas I had:
1. (broadly) feminism & being a woman
2. my attempt to steal Kevin Barnes’ soul
3. the implications of soul, love, and lifelong commitments
4. hooker stories & reflections
5. the tenuous grasp we have on insanity and what it means to suffer from bipolar depression in our society
Eventually, I’m open to taking suggestions for posts, but right now I’m just trying to get the juices flowing so I would appreciate your feedback on which of these five you’d like to read about. Let me know in the comments what your vote is, and any questions you may have on the topic.
I don’t know who, if anyone, will read this, but thank you to anyone who responds. All I need is a little direction, and I know I can remember how to do this “being a person” thing again.