How I spent my first day of 2014:

– cleaned a tweaker pad that was supposed to take two hours (four hours total, with two of us.) Actually took 5.25 hours total cleaning, with two of us (10.5 hours of cleaning, total.) Snot, blood, food, and grease all over the walls. Didn’t even do the stove/oven, which sparked dramatically when we tried to disconnect the burner coils (No use electrocuting ourselves on an appliance that needs replaced anyway.) The property manager is going to be livid that it took that long, but unless we had magic wands and an 8-ball of cocaine, there is no WAY IN HELL that place could be cleaned in less time. The mold in the carpet smeared across the baseboards when I tried to wipe them. I scrubbed the soap scum from the shower three times with bleach, and the equivalent of an entire bottle of body wash sat in a filmy mess on top of the draining water. The shower walls are still stained, but they at least actually FEEL clean now. The carpets violently assailed our vacuum with clunky debris intent on destroying the motor, even after I crawled around on my hands and knees to pick up all the big pieces. Ruby spends the whole time wishing death upon dirty Mexicans, which cracks me up because she’s a Mexican herself. As usual, I remind her that we don’t know who lived here and they could have been any race. I didn’t tell her about the debit card I found with a Hispanic name on it. xD

When we are finally done, we feel like little baby crack spiders have descended upon our hair and clothing and all we can think of is a nice, long shower. Oh, and food. We are STARVING. We decide a hamburger is in order.

– Went to Wendy’s and ordered two single cheeseburgers, one without mayo. Got two singles, both with mayo.

– Went through Wendy’s again, to get another single with NO mayo.

– Received a replacement cheeseburger: which is… A junior bacon deluxe with cheese, no mustard… AND MAYO. Wrong sandwich, wrong dressings… We need to go through again, but… fuck that. We are tired. Ruby wipes the mayo off and surmises that at least she got free bacon.

– Gave up on Wendy’s. Took co-worker home, with complete intent to complain majorly tomorrow.

– Met random developmentally disabled, drunk guy walking down the middle of a construction zone by a stoplight. He seemed absolutely lost and confused. I could just feel it- that if there was any eye contact, I would have a kind of creepy, completely random stranger in my car. I told Ruby, not to look at him… but she felt bad for him, and she did. Of course I agree to give the poor drunk soul a ride to where he’s going, though it’s 10:15 at night and my heart is racing from picking up a hitchhiker. (I honestly don’t thin he knew where he was going, though. He asked for a ride to a bar in the opposite direction of where he was walking.)

– “Turn here! Right here!” says Ruby urgently and uncomfortably, at her apartment building. “NO!,” I give her a sideways look. I’m not taking my chances alone with this guy, no matter how harmless and confused he seems to be, and it’s her fault he’s in here in the first place. “You’re coming with me.”

–  “I have a 25 dollar bar tab for being the artist that designed the owner’s tattoo!! Can I treat you ladies out to a night on the town?” (What are you going to buy us? One drink each? Wow, that’s quite the night on the town. Poor thing, he was gaming so hard. Or at least trying to.)

Us: “No, sorry, we have to work in the morning… Have a good night though!”

At this point we realized our passenger had already pissed himself at some point in the evening. There’s probably not a very good chance he’s getting into the bar in his current state. But what could we do? We dropped him off at the bar, and hoped the best for him.

– Us: We watch “Wedding Crashers,” which she finds absolutely hilarious and I find stupidly ridiculous yet somehow endearing. It is my DVD that she borrowed (I’ve had it for like three years and never actually watched it), yet she falls asleep on the couch while I watch it for the first time. I reflect on the New Year, and drunk disabled guys named Justin, and stupid movies that warp our concept of love with a healthy dose of piggishness and humor.

Happy New Year, all! This has definitely made me realize that each day is drastically different than the next…

I hope we all find virtue and compassion in the new year

Cheers, and blessings…

Love, Mel

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