Retrospect (featuring Ian)

It’s so easy to let the years wear us down. So easy to let all the pain and hurt get in the way. And then, sometimes, you find something that reminds you of where you’ve been and where you came from. This is a song my husband wrote about me years and years ago, when we were apart, and I’ve just found it in a binder. I’m going to post it, as a reminder to myself, that me as a 17-year-old girl inspired songs that still have effects on a 27-year-old woman.

I Don’t

I read the letter you wrote

scribblings from when you were drunk and lonely

I don’t want to imagine what if

I don’t like the way you think

I don’t need another like me

I listened to the cd you made me

Full of those sad bastard songs

I don’t know why I’m listening

I don’t want to cry again

I don’t want to feel anything

what if I had?

but you never asked

but I need you to hear me

and I think about your curves, your caress

and I think about the way I left them

I don’t want to picture you

I don’t need that torment

I need to be alone

I look at the face you gave me

but I can’t find the strength to save me

I don’t want to be my father’s son

I don’t want to be my mother’s son

I don’t want to be anyone

what if I had?

you never asked

but I need you to hear me

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