Supreme Architect of Religious Apathy

I saw with the eyes of a child,
Saw every lesson you
Chose to teach.
I learned with the mind of a child,
Eager and wanting to please.

I heard with the ears of a child,
Heard the sacred doctrines and
hushed apologies.
So I forgave with the heart of a child,
Innocent, trusting, without fear.

Yet the seeds of destruction
Were already sown.
The girl that I was
going to be
was lost, altered, forgotten,
with your first dirty fingerprints
on the canvas of my brain.

You only did
what they did
You only took
What they took
but still you did
and still you took,
imprinting
the cycle onto me.

and still I forgave with the heart of a child,
With all the love Apollo gave to Artemis,
the sweet idolatry of common blood
exaggerated, uninformed.

There was the root of Babylon,
in the heart of a four-year-old girl.
And I grew with the confusion of a victim
And forgave with blindness of a child.

Now the years have flown and
passed us by.
thoughts were thought
and words were said.
The doubt and pain long buried
Is stirring
spinning
pushing
Up through the cellars of my mind.

What if you had never done
What you did?
Would I be different now?
Less damaged?
Less prone to self-destruction?
Would I share your apathy for the struggling,
the lost,
the abandoned?
and in that looking glass world, do you
approve of me?

I can forgive with the heart of a child
The child that you once were.
But I can’t even look you in the eye,
This person that judges and condemns me
despite the fact that
You planted my first seeds
of destruction.

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