The Ballad of Tim the Tool

We were trapped in a nightmare,

A used car-lot lemon deal

Rollin’ out in my Sunfire

With devils in our wheels


A succubus and a satyr

Each bounds in heavy chains

We drove on toward the sunset

Running to escape my brain.


You wanted out but you couldn’t

Your chains a promised bond

So I traded in for a Beamer

And a crafty foreign blond


My words were thick with confusion,

My heart was thick with lies

I’d never fallen for a fast car

Or foreign sea blue eyes


We were trapped in a nightmare

That became a sick wet dream

Rollin’ out in my Sunfire

With masochistic schemes.


It started out just as routine

The drunken escapade

Quickly turned to a question

Of why the hell we stayed


I saw an end to the bad dream

And raced right toward the edge

Your eyes were thick with confusion

Your heart was thick with dread


Your chains were full unlocked now,

And yet the satyr stayed

Bound in place by a promise

Of foregone blissful days


And his words were thick with deception,

His heart was thick with lies,

The succubus now victim

To blonde hair and blue eyes


Started out as a nightmare,

Then became a game

To see how far I’d wander

Before I’d call your name


So there we stood at the bank vault,

Explosives close at hand

Ready to embark on a venture

To strange and foreign lands


I pondered the thought of a new life,

A life without you there

I wandered the path of desire

And found it cold and bare


It was four past four in the morning

And in his arms I laid

When I dreamily remembered

Why the hell I stayed…


It took but half a second

For me to set my mind

And roll out in my Sunfire

Your love again to find


The world was dark across the line,

But the road was paved with gold

As valiantly I drove along

And questioned moral told.


A dozen roses in my hand,

My words were thick with pain.

As I begged you to wake up with me

And now escape my brain.


When finally your smile broke,

As hero I stood tall,

And thanked the stars that he should lose,

And I should win at all.

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