Dear Katy Perry,

I am writing to express my sincere gratitude and warm greetings for the very important work you are doing to support our social structure. I have just reviewed your lyrics and found that they are doing much to accomplish the values we want to see in young girls. I was leery at first, because the transition into pop music from Christian music usually causes women to get ideas about personal liberation and such. I have been very concerned about some reviving interest in feminism that has been stirring in recent years, because, as you know, the continued push for independent women will completely tear society apart. Your music promotes the good old-fashioned values of living for the purpose of pleasing men and co-dependence, and these are things that are threatened in the frightening progressive world we live in.

For example, in your song, “The Better Half of Me,” the first verse says,”I took advantage of you a stepping stone to my pedestal/When you had enough of it/I said fine good luck replacing this/Cause I seem strong and independent self sufficient, confident/And I’m like mercury rising to the top so selfishly.” I was very impressed by this because, in only five lines, you expressed the plague of our culture, in which girls seem to think they can function on their own without a man in their life. You successfully pointed out that, though females may feel they can take care of themselves and be independent, they are actually behaving very selfishly. When push comes to shove, they will in fact fall completely apart and need to call on a man to sort out the mess they have made. This is a beautiful expression of the fact that women only fail when they try to lead their own lives. When the chorus says “The better half of me was you,” you concisely state the proper deference to men and their important role in maintaining order. It worries me that more and more women are trying to establish meaningful careers and neglect their duties to men and to childrearing. If we do not teach young girls that their most important job is to find a man to complete their lives, there may come a day where women live in lesbian societies and commit infanticide.

I was also very pleased with the song “Use Your Love.” Though on the surface it may seem morally reprehensible, the underlying message is very important. It clearly demonstrates that women who cheat on their responsible and loving husbands aren’t really human beings, they’re something entirely different. There is never an excuse for infidelity, except for the higher levels of male infidelity, because we are well aware that men only cheat when women aren’t working hard enough to satisfy male desires. Also, independent women experience this when they think they can have sinful, free-love relationships without worrying about the needs or desires of their future husbands. I know this song was originally by an eighties band, and from the perspective of a man, but I think you did a wonderful job turning it around to show the wretched damage that any woman will incur if she tries to stray outside her home duties.

The next point I’d like to address is your charitable work to help boost the economy. Both your image and your music are driving teenage girls out in droves to purchase make-up and clothing so they can emulate your style and thus be more desirable to men. The revenue this drives must be very good for designers and cosmetic companies, which in turn is good for the American people because they can get minimum wage employment to work for said companies. They will work hard and be very productive so that they can make more money and buy more of the products that they proudly help produce. They are also thrilled by the opportunity to receive raises every year and possibly one day get a promotion. One of the brilliant ways in which you have presented this is with your song, “Anyone But Me.” This song makes young girls feel like you really know where they are coming from, and causes them to purchase more albums and more products inspired by you. In all reality, of course, while they desire to be anyone but themselves, they really desire to be you, so the cycle just continues indefinitely and drives profit. The other major benefit of this song is that it reminds girls that they are not good enough and must work harder to be beautiful and able to find a good mate. Then, when the collective “she” finds a potential husband, his compliments will be even more meaningful and she will realize that what she has been missing in her life is a good man to validate her existence, which will make her more loyal and willing to serve him. The song, “Teenage Dream” is a great way to inspire older women to go out and buy face creams, get cosmetic surgeries, and spend on specialized cosmetics to help them appear younger.

I am very relieved that when I studied your music you don’t make reference to personal success, intellectualism, careers, or your own achievements. Virtually all of your songs are about reliance on relationships and pleasing your male companions. I always cringe when I hear a woman singing about political things or trying to make a difference in the world. Women belong in the home, their contribution to society is bringing up their children in the way that her husband feels will make them most productive. Men are the ones who have the brain capacity to solve the world’s problems, and women shouldn’t try to apply their “thinking skills” to such complex issues. The fact that you don’t express political views, use large words, or convey a sense of deep thought makes me very happy, as it helps keep girls from straying down the dangerous path of trying to think critically.

The one concern I initially had about your music was your overt sexuality. I wasn’t really for the revealing outfits and explicitly stated sexual situations. I touched on this earlier when I referenced the cheating women. However, I spent a lot of time thinking about this and realized that it is not necessarily a bad thing. I am, after all, a reasonable woman, and I understand that men have intense sexual drives and that two types of women are needed in this world. In the past, before the feminist movements, people were respectable and didn’t air their dirty laundry for the world to see. Also in the past, it was common practice for a man to have a mistress or two so that his sexual desires could be fulfilled and he would be a complete human being. Of course, history has shown the danger of lustful women. When they enter into a marriage they tend to stray from their domestic duties and, in many cases, behave like harlots with men other than their husbands. Since a wife’s sexual desire is fundamentally lower than and less important than her husband’s, it is very important to keep her focused on her responsibilities in bearing and raising children. Thus, I feel it is also important to have lesser examples of womanhood available for men to indulge in when they feel that their wives are not exciting or attractive enough to take care of the husband’s needs. My hope is that, some girls, probably the ones who listened primarily to your Christian music, will become dutiful wives. The woman who believe they are independent or sexually empowered can then fulfill the role of pleasuring men in the sexual sense, and the equilibrium that men need to perform well in life will be established. Going back to “Teenage Dream” again, the message here is equally important. It reminds older women that as they age, they will become less and less important as they lose their ability to reproduce, and that they should step aside and let the nubile generation hold the place of reverence in our society. However, it is very important for women to make men feel powerful, and the idea of molding something innocent into a male-pleasing young lady is very appealing to men. As women get older, they tend to have certain ideas that they understand their sexuality or know what pleases them better than their husbands. A woman should be humble and remember that men like to be in control and her submission will be much more pleasing than her constant nagging that sex is not very enjoyable for her. It is very important to always make your man feel like he is doing a good job in the bedroom, or else he might start to feel bad about himself and his domestic happiness will be lessened.

Once again, your contribution to society is invaluable. Please continue making your music that relegates women to the proper role: the role of serving men and prioritizing their lives around male needs. The ideas that women can be happy without a male presence, establish their own careers, and integrate sexuality and fidelity into a balanced union are completely perilous for the world. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my letter, I truly am your biggest fan.

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